2023-01-04

Now that I am procrastinating anyway, I might as well write. Today I found out about executive dysfunction. I heard about it before, but now it resurfaced.

I think I struggle from this. The descriptions describe my life since childhood. I have always been the dreamy kid reading a book in the corner. I don’t remember directions if they are longer than 3 steps. I have always arrived late or needed to run to arrive on time. And currently, it’s extremely hard for me to get anything done.

Getting started working is a painful struggle, especially if I don’t want to do the task that I have to do. And even if I get started working, I very easily slip into “supporting activities”, i.e. reading stuff that is slightly related to my work but not the work. If I actually do the work, I quickly distract myself with a pleasurable, addictive distraction. I feel like it is getting out of hand. I can’t fucking work. Right now I should be working on a work project. It was due yesterday. Yet after even starting it, I moved on to first reading and then writing.

I think that my currently low levels of physical activity have a strong impact on that. If I did more sports, I would function better. In addition, I think about writing down and describing the mental processes I have when I get stuck at a task.