Nikita Khutorni's Site

Again went to bed at a very late time. But surprisingly I am feeling pretty good. I also felt very energetic after driving to my girlfriend and doing a quick run. It seems to me that physical activity is a key factor to feeling better. Add to that my focus on my own values at the moment and the much smaller amount of negative self-talk coming from it.

I keyed the term yesterday: “neurointrospective tools” / devices. This is what I am working on. Today was a harsh day for our startup. We had a difficult call with the team and one founding member and a new member asked for a week to think — and to decide whether they will quit.

This is a hard blow. But there is a positive effect. Just yesterday, me and my dear friend talked about how our work ethic and motivation have vanished. Thinking back, we have proven that we can work without rest with intense focus and produce outstanding results. So why do we suck so bad right now? We identified the difference.

In all previous instance where we performed great, we were solely responsible for success. If we did not do it, it would not happen. If we did not motivate the others and work our ass off ourselves, it would not happen. (One great story and example is the software development project at our university) Now, there was a team member with much more experience. So, we started offloading the responsibility to them. We started expecting them to set guidelines and push us to work. It did not really happen. And we were stranded.

With this technical team member being on the brink of leaving, we finally realized that it is our own fucking responsibility to run Textery. If we aren’t able to do all technical work, no one else will.

I watched this amazing TEDx talk “How to not screw yourself over” by Mel Robbins today.

Her key point is that we screw ourselves over by saying “fine”. We don’t do what we actually want to do, we don’t get what we actually want to get from life, even though it is as simple as it has ever been.

This applies to me directly: I am writing for weeks about neurointrospective tools. But I don’t just start reading up on it. It comes down to me being afraid that someone has already taken my idea.

Fuck it, I am doing it right now. Creating a new tag called “neurointrospection”. And the first note is: Neurointrospection resources.

On that note, I think I should …, no, I should …, no, I will start describing myself as somebody who does this everywhere. I am researching neurointrospective tools. I will say it on LinkedIn. I will say it on Twitter. I will introduce myself as somebody who is working on neurointrospection. Saying it will out loud make will myself believe it more and help me identify as such a person. This will cause me to more work on it and make the cycle stronger.

It’s the “law of attraction”, i.e. confirmation bias and filtering phenomenon. I should make a post about it: The Law of Attraction Actually Works And It’s Confirmation Bias In Disguise

I identify as a go-getter. I do shit, I don’t wait. Mel shared an amazing tactic. She stated that if we have an impulse for doing something outside of our habit, if we do not do it in 5 seconds, we won’t do it at all — the 5-second rule.

I am already using this rule in my daily life — I started a few hours ago. And I want to really punch it into myself and keep it in my head.

I just head a conversation in my head with myself:

Do the visualization task you assigned yourself today.
No, I really should go to sleep, it’s 2 am!
But you said you were going to do it!
I will do it tomorrow as the first task in the morning, promised
OK, deal!

And it felt good and without guilt and without thinking that I am lying to myself and won’t actually do it!

Just started another post on neurointrospection: What are neurointrospective tools? Fuck yes!

I will also start writing about my Bachelor’s thesis. I will do public research, if I am allowed to. Actually I will do it. I will convince my supervisor to allow me to do it. I believe that exchange is absolutely necessary in constructive research, and the best way to do it is to talk openly about it.

Heading off to sleep now!